Once upon a time, I was a girl full of great ambitions. I envisioned myself driving high notch cars, living in an exquisite home, with a loving husband and beautiful babies. I generally wanted to be a very successful woman. I wanted to be that princess that would attract that prince charming who would give me a beautiful world. Among these beautiful things, was a five star wedding that would be the envy of many and definitely the talk of the town. I generally wanted to be a woman after God’s heart, but I died halfway there.
Once upon a time I envisioned myself as a man full of vigor. A man that would provide heaven for my family. A man that would love my wife for who she would be and respect the alter vows. A man that would guide my kids on the right path of life. I generally envisioned myself walking all the stair cases of success and I didn’t see myself at any point being consumed by the greed of success. I envisioned myself loving and respecting all the women in my life, but I died halfway there.
You see in my early life, papa beat me all the time for the slightest mistakes that didn’t even warrant it. He said that I was as foolish as mama and I was destined for a miserable life like her. I watched him torture mama all the time that I wondered whether he really ever loved her. Mama always wore a sad face but she never at any point stopped showering dad and us with love. A pained soul was what she was and each time I saw the pain in her eyes, it broke me. This made me start hating all men for I envisioned them as heartless as papa. My dream of ever finding my prince charming died at this point in my life.
Akoko my Christian Religious Education teacher in high school said that I was very thick headed that I would amount to nothing better in life other than reproducing like a rat, children that would be as thick headed as me. The whole class broke into a loud roar of laughter, and consumed by shame and pain, I shade tears. Unfortunately, I believed her portrayal of me and my self esteem was extremely lowered. My dream of becoming a well travelled doctor was killed for I ended up dropping out of school.
My first boyfriend was a jerk. Being my first love, I didn’t even experience the goose bumps and butterflies that girls my age at that time experience with their first encounter. He made me feel like a useless piece of rag that I completely lost myself. At seventeen when I was finally sired, he took off. I had to go back home to papa who couldn’t stand the sight of my protruding tummy. Mama though disappointed, cried with me and stood by me throughout the nine months journey. I delivered the first, second, third, fourth, fifth and on the sixth at 24, mama succumbed. My pillar of strength and hope was gone and as expected, papa threw me out for he could not stand my mini nursery school. On the streets, my reproducing tool became my investment. I became a prostitute!
I experienced a beautiful childhood until at 12, when the cruel hands of death snatched my loving parents from me. As the only child and son, I was entitled to all the wealth my parents left behind. Ugly fate was staring at me though, for my greedy and opportunistic relatives snatched everything from me and I was thrown out. No one was ready to welcome me in their home for they termed me a burden. With anger and bitterness, I sought refuge in the streets. Life was not easy here and I was even entangled in robbery with violence, and jail became my eternal home.
I died! I died because I allowed it. I should not have allowed my brutal papa to define my destiny. I should not have allowed my high school teacher to determine the direction my life would take. I should not have given in to my perverted boyfriend. I should have stood firm and faced my greedy and opportunistic relatives. The moment I lost hope, that is the moment I died and my resurrection resides within me!
Miss Micali - Walk with Me 